You Matter
You Matter
Bichovsky Backflash: What’s Eating You?
Suzie Bichovsky-Thomas • Oct 05, 2013
I know, I know- it’s
flashback
. But I’ve been saying it wrong for years and I like the alliteration. It’s my universe…enjoy this writing blast from my past. I originally shared it with
Lehigh Valley Writing Project
as part of a publishing initiative and tweaked it for you. I learned a lot about myself when I first wrote it. When faced with conflict, do you scream or swallow it?
I pushed my salad
around to determine if there was enough for lunch the next day. I put my fork down and the oddest thing happened. The salad continued to move- on its own.
Bits of lettuce crawled across the plate until it revealed a bug as wide as my pinky and as long as my thumb from knuckle to nail. To the best of my memory, it had wings and I am pretty confident it blinked at me.
I can scream
with the best of them. Ask anyone who has been with me in a near collision with a deer or when my godson opted to relieve himself on my couch. I have good lungs and a high-pitched wail.
Upon seeing the unrequested topping, I opened up to scream and simultaneously remembered what my grandmother had said about being a lady
in public. I swallowed my scream and said, “Bug,” in a low tone. Maybe I was gearing up for a secondary scream because my husband gave me “the hand,” otherwise known as the universal signal for shush.
It must have been shock that prevented me from retaliating against the shush. He took a napkin, covered the uninvited guest, and carried the plate to the counter. All the while, my inner narrator was busy. ( Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug
)
The manager of the unnamed and since closed establishment came over offering sincere apologies. I was silent. Did I want anything else? I was silent. A baked good, perhaps? (Bug) I was silent. He referenced my empty glass of lemonade- did I want more? I was silent. (Bug) I looked at my husband’s dark glass of tea. Was my bug’s sister swimming in there? Did I eat one without knowing it? Is it doing the backstroke in my tummy? (Bug…)
I felt legs crawling up my throat. A fan of sushi, I was not a fan of bug
(Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug Bug).
“We want to make sure you come back,” the manager said, ripping three coupons from a book of five- giving us $15. Was my trauma not worth $25? Had I let out the scream, would I have been worth $50? I remained silent.
I can’t help now but wonder why I was so silent. Why was I on mute? Is there a part of me that values not making a scene above my own self interest? Perhaps I am making a mountain out of a bug hill. I just want to ensure that the next time I am in peril- be it bug, deer, decaf coffee, or a would-be-Lifetime-movie- stalker, that I do stand up for myself and not just swallow it.
There’s something about being outside surrounded or embraced by nature.
What’s a nature element that really speaks to you?
It could be the moment you notice the dark green of a treetop touching the vibrant blue of the sky.
I’m awful at business growth, meaning- I don’t post when algorithms say I should. I don’t “buy” likes or followers or traffic to my site. I post all things related to burnout prevention on Fridays which used to be one of the worst days to do so.
I got a phone call on Wednesday night with a funeral date for a family member that passed in March.
During that conversation, we once again explored the path of origin. The surviving spouse got it from work (the area was an epicenter of contagion before we all knew what’s going on). The workplace was a school. It spread like wildfire (again, before anyone knew what it was).
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