You Matter
You Matter
Letting Go
Suzie Bichovsky-Thomas • Nov 17, 2013
I had a different blog planned for this weekend. Life throws us curveballs.
I’ve been writing throughout the week (see below) about our experience with our fur face, Angel- through her eyes- as we prepared for her departure. I wasn’t writing for an audience. I simply needed to process what was happening and ensure we were doing right by her. I posted it on Facebook to release it. To purge it. I thought maybe three people would be concerned.
I was wrong.
An amazing thing happened. Support poured in. People (and their cats) sent us private messages. Someone said she shared the Angel Action updates with a friend in the hopes that it would help her. It helped me.
My mother lost her own fight with cancer this summer. She battled for almost two years. I’m still not prepared to discuss it. During that time, I reached out to a very small circle and crafted email updates to process/keep them informed. My mother left this earth cared for by hospice, physically comforted by her friends at her new home, and assured that she had closure with her family.
And now…well, I’m sure she has my cat.
Whether you process your challenges alone, with a small circle, or a wider forum is irrelevant. Your challenge may be the health of family, friend, spouse or pet. Perhaps you have a fabulous job but it is no longer fulfilling. Maybe balancing all arenas of your life isn’t all that it was once cracked up to be. It doesn’t matter. You aren’t weak for reaching out and sharing your experience. Someone else may be stronger for it. You may be surprised by the love and support you receive.
I look forward to writing about the lessons I’ve learned from Angel when my heart is less heavy. Until then, I’ve included all of “Angel’s” thoughts from this week at the close of this entry.
I don’t think you have to be an animal person to open your heart to the idea of preparing to let go.
Angel Action
Day #1 11/11/13
The man and the lady brought me back from the V-E-T. I’m not happy. You may think it is because I have lymphoma in my organs. Nope. The lady just tried to give me a pill- Feline Immune System Support. She even put it in tuna. I may be sick but I’m stubborn. She even sat with me in the bathroom so that the boy “Karma No” and the girl “Patches, Where’s Patches?” wouldn’t eat it. I made my lady proud and just meowed No.
See? “Patches, Where’s Patches?” was happy happy to eat it.
Meows and Hisses,
“Angel Momma”
Day #2 11/12/13
I overheard the lady say, “My cat has cancer so I get to eat walnuts.” I have no idea what she is meowing about.
My legs are wobbly today. I couldn’t get onto my cat perch, so the man helped me. I tried to get down…the man built an obstacle course to help me. “Karma no” was inspecting for safety violations.
The lady came home and had me try can after can of Fancy Feast. She even gave me sardines. Just don’t want to eat. I licked some peanut butter. Then, the lady added something to it. I stopped. She squirted drops down my throat and shoved a pill in there, too. Now, I’m camped out under the black chair. Invisible. (I may have spit my pill out in the litter box. Not telling.)
Meows and hisses,
“Angel Momma”
Day #3 11/13/13
The lady woke up at 5AM and pulled me from my secret hiding spot. She mumbled something about a burrito and then I was trapped in a towel. I’m weak but feisty. I tried very hard to bite the lady. I got my front paws free! The lady gave me my witch’s brew & then I heard her say, “Hiss! I gave her the wrong pill!” (PS. She didn’t say “hiss” but you get the idea.)
The man and the lady took me for an emergency visit after talking to Dr. Soares because I puked bile a few times. I would puke rainbows and unicorns if I could! I love Dr. Soares. Except when she touches me. Talks to me. Says “subcutaneous fluids” and “more shots” and “pill pockets” and such.
All of the rooms at the inn were full so we were hanging in the bereavement room. They apologized but the lady and the man were OK. Besides, they used to hang out there when they met “Karma No.”
I lost a pound since Friday. After shots and pills, the man and the lady were taught to inject me with fluids tonight. THANKS A LOT! Dr. Hernandez talked to my people about their options. As soon as they said “terminal” and “short term care” I knew I had to show off a bit.
I love my people, especially the man. I know his heart is broken but I have to go to heaven to see the lady’s mommy. She’s been there alone since the summer and needs a cat.
I’m not leaving yet! Have some stuff to do at home. I have to show “Karma No” and “Patches, where’s Patches” the best places to vomit and make sure they are going to be good to each other. I’ll spend a nice day Saturday with the man and the lady. Then, we will see.
Meows and Hisses,
“Angel Momma”
Day #4 11/14/13
I hate shots. I HATE pills. But, I was a little hungry last night. I wasn’t sure that I wanted anything. The lady put 6 different bowls in front of my hiding spot. I heard “Karma No” eating and remembered how we ate together. So, I kept the kid company and licked a plate.
My people have been up since 3:30AM and they continued on with their day. The man stayed here with me so I missed my NPR programs.
The lady sang my favorite song to me when she got home.
(To the tune of “Free Fallin” by Tom Petty):
“She’s a good girl. She loves her mama. Loves Patches and Karma, too. She’s Angel…………….Angel Bichovsky-Thomas.” She kisses me on my neck and I purr while wet things fall from her eyes. She whispers, “Is this right? Is this time? What if…” I blink at her to tell her it’s fine. I know the lady thinks I like the man better. But I secretly love her best because she brushes me.
I’m starting to get excited! I remeowbered that I’m going to see “Princess? Who’s a pretty Princess?” in two days. She was the Cat Who Got Her Meow Back when I was born. We used to live together at a Silk Mill. It was a cool place. We would chase each other up and down a spiral staircase and watch birds all day from our floor to ceiling windows.
Our people bought us a house and we played there, too. Until “Princess? Who’s a pretty Princess?” didn’t come home one day. My people said she went to play at a rainbow bridge and I’d see her again. The lady said I’d also see my cousin “Tat! Who’s a crazy Tat!” there, too. I never met her. I heard she was very grumpy but very sweet at the same time. She knew “Princess? Who’s a pretty Princess?” I hope they let me play…
Gotta go! Thinking about hiding. (The man and the lady said something about fluids.) But, I think I will stay. We are all camped out in the living room on the sofa bed. And, we have American Horror Story to get through…
Meows and Hisses,
“Angel Momma”
Day #5 11/15/13
Tomorrow’s the day. I’m going to the Rainbow Bridge. It should be a piece of treat. I’m a great traveler. I used to go to the shore a lot when I was younger. I would sneak in and sleep under “Marty!”‘s bed and he would sneeze. It was fun! I also used to go with the lady to visit “The Granny” at her apartment. She was 90. The lady would get upset to find me in the cupboard in a bowl. But not “The Granny.” “She can do anything she wants when she’s at ‘The Granny’s'” is what she would say.
I never got to meet the lady’s mom but I heard that she adores cats. The lady’s mom was really sick, too, and she went to her own bridge this summer. There is a silly song on the radio called Cups. The lady was hearing it a lot when her mom was sick. “You’re gonna to miss me when I’m gone,” was a sad lyric for her to hear and she still cries a little bit when she hears it. She said that she was driving to work this morning and she cried about me over this lyric, “You’re gonna to miss me by my hair.” The lady must be playing with my catnip.
The man turned off the heat and opened up the window today. I sat on my perch and checked out my backyard. I needed to make sure all the birds are taken care of and my butterfly plants are OK. I hope that “Patches, where’s Patches?” and “Karma no” will look out for stinkbugs…
I hope that my people do better tonight. They fell asleep before 9 o’clock yesterday. Lame! The lady said something this morning about maybe watching the Suzie and Chuck video tonight. “Princess? Who’s a pretty Princess?” is on it. The man said something about stabbing himself in the eyeballs.
The other cats better get their acts together. I’ve put up with the young one licking me and the other one sniffing me. But they’re not as good to the lady as I am. The boy will only let the lady hold him if she standing up. And the girl will never let the lady hold her. The lady’s lap is going to be awfully empty without me and I hope that they figure out that she needs them.
It’s my job to greet her every day after work when she comes in the door. I sit on her lap when I’m ready and she tells me about her day. I know the people aren’t going to get another cat. They’re a two cat household with three fur faces. When “Princess? Who’s a pretty Princess?” left for the bridge, I was all alone and I only ever knew having a fur friend. So, the man and the lady got me “Patches, where’s Patches?” She is a very special cat and is very set in her ways. “Karma no” was an unplanned fur face but they really love him. I get it. He’s sweet. I finally stopped trying to kill him when I realized he was licking me because he loved me. Don’t tell him I said this! (Paw swear?) But I kind of love him, too. Or, I’m mildly indifferent to him.
Gotta get my beauty sleep! I already took nap #100 today on the lady’s lap. She laid on the sofa bed with me and I crawled onto her all by myself. It was hard to nap because I was purring so loud! Then, the man come home and he laid with us. His eyes were leaking as he asked if we were doing the right thing. The lady pet us both and said, “We are doing it for her. She’s leaving us purring. What could be better?”
I thank everyone (and their fur faces) for their nice words and prayers. I never met most of you. Be kind to my people. Maybe rub their bellies, between their eyes above their noses, or under their chins. Those are the best spots!
Meows and Kisses,
“Angel Momma”
Day #6 11/16/13
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened. ” – Anatole France
“If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.” – James Herriot
“Don’t cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened.” – Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
There’s something about being outside surrounded or embraced by nature.
What’s a nature element that really speaks to you?
It could be the moment you notice the dark green of a treetop touching the vibrant blue of the sky.
I’m awful at business growth, meaning- I don’t post when algorithms say I should. I don’t “buy” likes or followers or traffic to my site. I post all things related to burnout prevention on Fridays which used to be one of the worst days to do so.
I got a phone call on Wednesday night with a funeral date for a family member that passed in March.
During that conversation, we once again explored the path of origin. The surviving spouse got it from work (the area was an epicenter of contagion before we all knew what’s going on). The workplace was a school. It spread like wildfire (again, before anyone knew what it was).
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