You Matter
You Matter
“Wanna Be FRiends?”
Suzie Bichovsky-Thomas • Dec 08, 2013
A wonderful FR iend is making her new house a home. I remember my experience when I was in the market for a house and the lessons I learned.
- There are wants and non-negotiable items. I wanted central air. Non-negotiable? No dirt basements. (Too many places to hide my body. Remember, I’ve watched Lifetime.)
- Fixer-Upper and “As Is”: These are different. We barely had a budget to buy a house; we did not have a budget for repairs. Or decorating. I fantasized about appliances that worked, a roof that did not leak, and animal-potty-free floors. A home warranty took care of the first two; elbow grease the other. (For the record- I took off wallpaper. I took off some drywall with that wallpaper…)
- The process is slow and fast all at once. Maybe you are looking and maybe your are Looking. I cried like a baby when our bid was accepted- convinced we could not do it. (I also had a 101 degree fever and strep throat, so…) All of a sudden- it evolved from a listing, to a contender, to a This-Is-It-Keep-Your-Fingers-Crossed, to Our Home.
Advice abounds on what to look for when buying a home.
But what about when we are in the market for a friend?
Making new friends as an adult can be challenging but many of the above lessons do apply.
- Know your wants and non-negotiables. Do you want a friend (light fun, socializing) or a Friend (includes 3AM texts and breakfast without makeup)? Will you accept gossip (lighthearted, slice of life stories) but not Gossip (has an edge of nastiness best left behind with our lockers)?
- It’s rare that as adults we meet new adults, unpack our emotional baggage, and say “Here I am” the way we did as kids with our crates or pillowcases full of G.I. Joes, Legos, or Barbies. As our new friends peel their layers before us, the unspoken expectation is the same- “I’m trusting you not to break my stuff.” It’s not our job to fix our new Friends as if they had leaking roofs. But we can show them the leak and see if they can find the source. Maybe hold the flashlight?
- How do we navigate the process of evolving from acquaintance to friend and from friend to Friend without paperwork and witnesses? And what about the FR iend? The one you haven’t seen since your wedding and suspect has been buried in a dirt floor basement (SEE?) but then shows up at your mother’s funeral? Or the one that jumps from friend to FR iend when she comes to your rescue in a medical situation? How do we maintain our relationships with our FR iends without depleting our emotional budgets? What do we do when a FR iend changes to a Friend or to a friend or worse, an acquaintance?
Unlike house hunting, we do not have a realtor to guide us through the friendship process.
You have to be your own Relate-or (new word!).
Manage your listings.
Make your own repairs- don’t subcontract out.
And…wipe off your feet when the welcome mat is rolled out.
You’d be surprised how hard it is to get the tread marks off.
There’s something about being outside surrounded or embraced by nature.
What’s a nature element that really speaks to you?
It could be the moment you notice the dark green of a treetop touching the vibrant blue of the sky.
I’m awful at business growth, meaning- I don’t post when algorithms say I should. I don’t “buy” likes or followers or traffic to my site. I post all things related to burnout prevention on Fridays which used to be one of the worst days to do so.
I got a phone call on Wednesday night with a funeral date for a family member that passed in March.
During that conversation, we once again explored the path of origin. The surviving spouse got it from work (the area was an epicenter of contagion before we all knew what’s going on). The workplace was a school. It spread like wildfire (again, before anyone knew what it was).
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