“So, you wanted her to end up alone?”

Once upon a time, there was a restaurant. This restaurant had arcade video game tables. You could sit at the table, play your video game, and eat your meal.

Shirley Temple in hand, my game of choice was Pac-Man. My love for it was only extinguished by Ms. Pac-Man.

I was talking to my students about theme and exploring theme beyond text. What are the messages we get from magazines, movies, television, comics, and video games? Being a critical thinker means recognizing implied messages and valuing or devaluing them for yourself. Question the messages. Investigate your path of curiosity.

In sharing some thoughts about current pop culture, I simply shared something about Ms. Pac-Man. I was younger than them when I started to get annoyed at the rewards offered to Ms. Pac-Man for eating her dots, avoiding her ghosts, and escaping through hidden chambers. As she advanced levels and the “story” screen would appear, she was rewarded with love/marriage and kids. I questioned why this was a reward for a job well done versus getting a corner office, a red convertible, a shopping spree at Toys R Us, some fancy shoes. (I know, but I liked shoes!) 

“So, you wanted her to end up alone?” This was asked by one of my male students. There were some giggles, some groans, and some curiosity. I simply responded that even at that age, I felt I was getting a message of what a “good girl” should win and it didn’t resonate with me. “Why can’t Ms. Pac-Man win a vacation?” I asked. I saved the digging deep for myself and for later.

For the record, I didn’t want her to end up alone. I also am not someone who has an issue with any decision any other Ms. Pac-Man makes with her private and professional lives. 

Around the time that I started to question this message of the video game, the Mr. & Ms. Pac-Man that I lived with were moving to separate games. I didn’t view marriage and children as a reward at that time. Instead, I viewed it as loneliness, suitcases, courtrooms, and impossible choices. 
So, I was a good girl. I ate my dots. I didn’t chase my ghosts, but I hid from them. I loved escaping in books and movies. I watched my mom find an untapped source of strength to create a new life for herself and fight to have space for me in it. I watched her find a new Mr. Pac-Man who I also deeply loved. But, I watched her give him up as he was unaccepted by her family. 

As I transitioned into adulthood, I guess I played Frogger. My destiny or my vision was across the way, but I couldn’t reach it let alone see it. I kept dodging the cars trying to run me over. I moved my joystick up one, to the left, to the left, forward one, and then back, Back, BACK before getting squashed. Sometimes, I played Space Invaders. I never had a strategy. I just shot everything falling out of the sky in one straight line, hardly moving, and hoped for the best.

One day, I simply stopped playing. I thought long and hard about not what I wanted but rather how I wanted to be. I put a quarter in that machine instead. I’ve never looked back. 

If I had to describe my current game, I would say it looks like a burning flame in the middle of a lake. With ocean waves in it. The waves carry the flame out toward the land, pausing to share with anyone floating along the way. Once it reaches the land, it gathers resources needed to level up without burning anyone or anything else. As it returns to the center, it does so with grace, compassion, and confidence that it is exactly where it needs to be and as it is. 

“So, you wanted her to end up alone?”

No way. Many helped her find her path and message. Her rewards are the ripples both out toward others and those that return to her. As she levels up, so do those who watch her play. 

Are you ready to play?